Goals / Bedroom Posters / Horse Puzzles
Welcome to the very first edition of the What Matters Most newsletter from The Center For Reflective Intelligence! Each Friday we will share one thing to think, talk and be about. If you want more space to think, talk and be about what matters most, please subscribe below.
One Thing To Think About
We tend to set goals for the things we do not want to pursue. More often than not, if we truly wanted to achieve a goal we would just do it. The fact that we do need to set a goal indicates that a part of us doesn't want to or doesn't think we can achieve the goal. Behavioral Psychologists call these "have to" vs. "want to" goals:
"Want-to goals are goals that reflect a person's genuine interest and values and are personally important and meaningful. [...] Goals pursued for these reasons can be contrasted with have-to goals that are pursued either for external reasons (e.g., to please others or attain an external outcome) or are accompanied by introjects such as feelings of shame or obligation to oneself (introjected motivation)."
The reason we make a goal is as important as the goal itself. Yet, we don't typically spend time examining the motivation of our goals. To set good goals we can ask ourselves three simple questions:
- What do I want to have happen?
- Why do I want this to happen?
- How can I make it happen?
One Thing To Talk About
Last week I was in Calgary, Canada, creating space for parents and educators at Rundle College to think, talk, and be about what matters most to them. When I begin building communities of purpose with a new group, I open with a question everyone can answer, one that activates reflection and connection. This week the question was:
What was your favorite bedroom poster growing up?
Shoutout to my buddy Ian G. for having this poster that has always stayed with me (for reasons unknown).
One Thing To Be About
We find our way to happiness when we feel good about what we choose to do. Enclose.horse is a daily puzzle game that has helped me find my way to happiness in two concrete ways. First, it helps me to actually take breaks during the day and second, it helps me to take breaks that aren't mindless phone scrolling. There is a new challenge each day and I've found that my six year old is often better at it than I am.
Have something we should be thinking, talking or being about? Let us know by replying to this email or adding a comment below.
With purpose,
Tim
